You probably don't need my advice, but I'm going to offer a suggestion. I gave up on formal to do lists a long time ago. They are good for one thing: making us feel like failures. I realized I didn't need a to do list. My brain, surprisingly, is pretty good at bubbling up to the top of my mind what I need to do. And if I forget, the world is also pretty good at giving me a nudge. I do keep a reminder list in the app Reflect, where I can put the reminders on the days I need to have done them. This way, the list is never very long on any one day. Not saying this will work for your case, but I just want to put it out there as food for thought.

Good luck with your journey.